Tag Archives: Parenting

Cultivating Self-Discipline

25 Friday Jan 2013

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Cultivating Self-DisciplineSelf-discipline is defined as training and control of oneself and one’s conduct, usually for personal improvement. How do we learn self-discipline and teach it to our children?

Self-discipline can be reinforced by earning rewards along the way or at the end of reaching a goal, such as mastering a skill, establishing a regular physical activity routine or losing 10 pounds. Fear can be another motivator, especially when your health is at stake.

When what we have to do to reach our goal conflicts with what we want to do, or don’t want to do, the inner-conflict usually wins and we talk ourselves out of doing what is necessary to move towards our goal.  Self-improvement takes time and effort.  In order to master a musical instrument, language or athletic skill, we must practice. The same can be said with most goals, we must do something different and practice that behavior until it becomes part of us.  We may be drawn back into our old routine, or prefer to be spontaneous and have fun, when we  need to spend 20 minutes being self-disciplined.

While self-discipline is easier for some adults and children, and more difficult for others, it comes down to finding the willingness to take small steps in the direction of our goals, even when we don’t feel like it. It may be helpful for both adults and children to use a chart to visually track their progress.  See Sticker Charts for Children and Adults.

Love, Health & Happiness,

Phyllis

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Building Capable Young Adults

04 Friday Jan 2013

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Building Capable Young AdultsIn order for children to grow up as capable adults, they must have experiences of successfully carrying out responsibilities.

In addition to children taking care of their own space and belongings, parents can make learning tasks fun by involving their children in age appropriate “mini-jobs” at home.  This may include helping with laundry, setting the table, doing the dishes, taking care of a pet, cooking, building something, gardening, etc.

Remember, learning a new skill is a process and may take time.  The goal is to teach, and not expect perfection in childhood, but to instill a sense of capability that your child will take into adulthood.

When we do too much for our children or get frustrated with how they carry out a task, we can mistakenly give them the message that they are not capable and we don’t believe in them. In turn, they may doubt their own worth and capabilities, and  their avoidance can look like laziness.

Cheer your kids on with an enthusiastic, “You can do it!” And let them know that you are there for them if they need help. All they have to do is ask.

Love, Health & Happiness,

Phyllis

Have You Ever Put Yourself in a Time-Out?

26 Friday Oct 2012

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Have You Ever Put Yourself in a Time-Out?Time-outs are generally thought to be used with children, yet they can be very useful for adults too!  The purpose of a time-out is to take a break from a situation, usually to calm down and then to be able to think about the situation.

When an adult wants to take a time-out, it is respectful to let the other person or people, even your children, know that you are taking a time-out/a break to calm down and think, rather than walking away or storming off.

Just like for children, adult time-outs should be short, about 10-15 minutes.  Then check in with the other person.  If you are not ready to resume the conversation then you might propose to table the topic until later that day or the next day, to give yourself time to get clear on what your position is and what you really want to say. This can be used when you need time to think about a punishment for a child, when you are feeling overwhelmed and can’t think clearly, when you feel too emotional to make a wise decision, or when a decision needs to be made and you are feeling pressured.

A time-out can be taken in a quiet room, this includes the bathroom, or sitting or walking outside.  It is best not to go for a drive when you are feeling emotional and may be unable to focus, although it would be okay to sit in your car to take a time-out.

It’s good modeling for your children to see you use time-outs for yourself, as a good thing to regroup your thoughts and feelings, rather than as a punishment.

Love, Health & Happiness,

Phyllis

Sticker Charts For Children and Adults

19 Friday Oct 2012

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Sticker charts have been used for everything from potty training to doing chores.  Perhaps you used them as a child, or with your own children, to focus on homework, bathing or good behavior. It can take a while for kids to learn how to care for their bodies, become aware of their actions and keep track of their belongings, and sometimes they need reminders once they learn.

A sticker chart can be a fun way for children to learn and develop good habits. It also teaches children how to create routines that they will use in adulthood.  At the end of each week, or when a child gets a certain amount of stickers or stars, they usually earn a reward. I highly suggest that the reward be non-food related. For reward suggestions, read Rewards for Kids and Teens.

While you are at it, you may want to make a sticker chart for yourself.  It could include exercising or some form of physical activity, eating 5 or more servings of fruit and vegetables, daily meditation, reading for 20 minutes, journal writing, going to bed by a certain time, or any other healthy habit you want to focus on.

Have fun with it, praise each other for your efforts during the week, and remember to reward yourself too!

Love, Health & Happiness,

Phyllis

What Are You Modeling To Your Children?

28 Friday Sep 2012

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“Do as I say, not as I do.” We’ve all heard this statement, probably more than once, as we witnessed adults/our parents doing something they didn’t want us to grow up doing.

Have to stopped to mindfully consider what you are modeling to your children or grandchildren on a regular basis? How do you go about your day? Your routines?  Are they done with joy or rushed and full of stress.  Do you model time for “being,” or is life mostly about “doing” and getting through busy days?

If I could do it again, I’d focus more on “being” and less on “doing.” In my experience, my doing too much, to get it all done, prevented me from really enjoying down-time. I’d focus less on “perfectionism” and more on “good enough.” One non-verbal message I’d want to instill is to take the time to do something just for the fun of it, regardless of the outcome. That’s where true learning of yourself can take place, experiencing new things and discovering likes and dislikes, interests and passions, needs and wants.

What do you want to model?

Love, Health & Happiness,

Phyllis

What to Say When You Talk to Your Kids, Self and Others!

21 Friday Sep 2012

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Many adults were not brought up with positive encouraging comments, but rather critical negative put-downs.  The following statements come from the book, Predictive Parenting; What to Say When You Talk To Your Kids, by Shad Helmstetter.  While these statements may feel foreign at first, they are worth saying to your child, yourself, your spouse and any other human being!

That was really great! * You were wonderful! * You really do that well. * As always, you look good today. * You’re a winner! * I trust you. * I can always count on you. * You’re really smart. * People really like you. * I like the way you did that. * You’re really fun to be with. * You make me feel good. * You really take responsibility for yourself. * I like the way you keep your room neat. * You sure have a lot of energy. * You’re really positive! * You always seem to be able to keep yourself busy. * You ended up with the best of both your father and myself. * I really rely on you. * That was close. Next time I know you’ll make it. * Good Job! * You’re beautiful. * You’re very pretty. * You’re handsome. * You make every day brighter. * You sure have a nice smile. * I listen to what you have to say. * You’re a good friend. * You really get along well with other kids. * You’re an achiever. * I can tell you’re going to be successful in life. * You’re very creative. * I’ve noticed you’re a very good listener. * It’s obvious that you care about yourself. * You’re a good runner. * I’m proud of your schoolwork. * That’s much better.  You’re doing great! * You’re really special. * I love you and I like you too! * You make hard things seem easy. * You really practice good manners. * There is no one else like you in the whole world. * I need your advice. * You sure are talented!

Go make someone’s day with a positive, uplifting personal comment!

Love, Health & Happiness,

Phyllis

Family Fun Night

17 Friday Aug 2012

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Does your family have one evening a week dedicated to something you do as a family or couple?

If you don’t already have a “Family Fun Night,” here are some suggestions:

1. Select one night of the week that works for everyone in your family.

2. Together, select a theme: game night, movie night, specific food night, breakfast for dinner night or something else your family enjoys doing together.

3. An alternative to a “Family Fun Night”, is “One-on-One Time” where one child and one parent have time together and do something special.  When there are two kids and two parents, it is easy to switch off each week so each child gets individual time with each parent every other week.  This could also be called, “Mother-Daughter,” “Mother-Son,” “Father-Daughter,” or “Father-Son” time.

4.  Couples can select a weekly “Date Night” and take turns planning something to do together at home or out.

What ever you do, have fun!

Love, Health & Happiness,

Phyllis