Tag Archives: Family

Adult Children Home For the Holidays

30 Friday Nov 2012

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Adult Children Home for the HolidaysWhether you are 18-years-old, returning home for the holidays after your first semester away at college, or 40-years-old with children of your own, being with your family of origin often triggers old dynamics where adult children transform back into thinking, feeling and behaving as they did when they lived at home, and parents often go into “parent” mode.

Predictable behaviors come from a history of ingrained patterns of relating, usually developed at a young age for the child, and reinforced by the parent as a style of interacting. For both the adult child and the parent, these patterns of behavior are less about the person we are in conflict with, and more about the way they trigger us and we make meaning of the person or related event.

It only takes one person to become aware of when an old pattern has kicked in, and then to decide to engage differently:

1. Try a little compassion by putting yourself in the other person’s shoes before judging.

2. Give a sincere complement rather than a negative comment.

3. Listen with genuine interest rather than tuning out.

4. Mend a rift by not having to be right.

5. Forgive.

Love, Health & Happiness,

Phyllis

Create Your Own Holiday Traditons

16 Friday Nov 2012

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Bring the magic and meaning to your holidays this season.  Involve your family, especially your children or grandchildren, and YOUR inner-child. Incorporate traditions that you are fond of, special foods, readings, stories, games, decorations, music, etc. or start your own!

If you haven’t experienced the excitement of the holiday season in a while, now is the time to think about how you would like it to be different. Doing an activity together may be fun. An easy one would be to trace your hands and color them to make turkeys for Thanksgiving.  You could make ornaments or candles for Christmas or Hanukkah.  Everyone could write on a large poster board, good things that happened for them this year or what they are grateful for.

Your family’s focus could be on giving and doing for others by gathering food to donate or serving food to those in need.  Another way of giving is to adopt a family through a shelter or religious organization, and providing a holiday for them, that they wouldn’t otherwise have, with food and gifts.

Get creative and MAKE this holiday season meaningful and special!

Love, Health & Happiness,

Phyllis

What to Say When You Talk to Your Kids, Self and Others!

21 Friday Sep 2012

Posted by in Family Fun, Healthy Mind

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Many adults were not brought up with positive encouraging comments, but rather critical negative put-downs.  The following statements come from the book, Predictive Parenting; What to Say When You Talk To Your Kids, by Shad Helmstetter.  While these statements may feel foreign at first, they are worth saying to your child, yourself, your spouse and any other human being!

That was really great! * You were wonderful! * You really do that well. * As always, you look good today. * You’re a winner! * I trust you. * I can always count on you. * You’re really smart. * People really like you. * I like the way you did that. * You’re really fun to be with. * You make me feel good. * You really take responsibility for yourself. * I like the way you keep your room neat. * You sure have a lot of energy. * You’re really positive! * You always seem to be able to keep yourself busy. * You ended up with the best of both your father and myself. * I really rely on you. * That was close. Next time I know you’ll make it. * Good Job! * You’re beautiful. * You’re very pretty. * You’re handsome. * You make every day brighter. * You sure have a nice smile. * I listen to what you have to say. * You’re a good friend. * You really get along well with other kids. * You’re an achiever. * I can tell you’re going to be successful in life. * You’re very creative. * I’ve noticed you’re a very good listener. * It’s obvious that you care about yourself. * You’re a good runner. * I’m proud of your schoolwork. * That’s much better.  You’re doing great! * You’re really special. * I love you and I like you too! * You make hard things seem easy. * You really practice good manners. * There is no one else like you in the whole world. * I need your advice. * You sure are talented!

Go make someone’s day with a positive, uplifting personal comment!

Love, Health & Happiness,

Phyllis

Family Fun Night

17 Friday Aug 2012

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Does your family have one evening a week dedicated to something you do as a family or couple?

If you don’t already have a “Family Fun Night,” here are some suggestions:

1. Select one night of the week that works for everyone in your family.

2. Together, select a theme: game night, movie night, specific food night, breakfast for dinner night or something else your family enjoys doing together.

3. An alternative to a “Family Fun Night”, is “One-on-One Time” where one child and one parent have time together and do something special.  When there are two kids and two parents, it is easy to switch off each week so each child gets individual time with each parent every other week.  This could also be called, “Mother-Daughter,” “Mother-Son,” “Father-Daughter,” or “Father-Son” time.

4.  Couples can select a weekly “Date Night” and take turns planning something to do together at home or out.

What ever you do, have fun!

Love, Health & Happiness,

Phyllis

Moment by Moment

18 Monday Jun 2012

Posted by in Healthy Mind

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Moment by Moment“I have everything I need in this very moment.”  This is one my favorite statements I say to myself when I’m feeling overwhelmed, worrying about the future, or caught up about something in the past.  That doesn’t mean I don’t make plans, set goals and make “To-Do” lists.

When you think about it, what do you really need?  Saying, “I have everything I need in this very moment,” at a core level, is true.  It’s a mind-set that can produce a sense of well-being by lowering stress, anxiety, fear, anger and resentment. You may need to pay a bill next week, deal with a difficult person at work or at a social gathering soon, or are worried about retiring in 20 years. Yet, today in this very moment, you are okay and have enough for right now.

As long as your basic needs are met each day, you truly have everything you need in this moment. Many of us are fortunate to have much more than our basic needs.  We may have a computer or smart phone to access knowledge, a job to earn money, a car to get around, good friends or family who love you or a pet you are fond of.  You may also have a body that functions well most days, allowing you to do all that you do in a day.

Have you noticed that over the course of your life, that most things work out? How many meals have you missed or nights have you not had a place to sleep?  Take a moment to feel, that in this very moment, you have everything you need and you are okay.  Have faith and trust that everything you need will show up. I’ve noticed that the more I live from the place of “all is well in this moment,” the more all is well in every moment.

Love, Health & Happiness,

Phyllis