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Creating a Healthy  Lifestyle

Tag Archives: Compassion

Time to Take Out the Trash

14 Monday Jan 2013

Posted by creatingahealthylifestyle in Healthy Mind

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Brain Programming, Compassion, Fear, Garbage in Garbage out, Habits, Healthy Mind, Judgments, kindness, Make Space, Mental health, Negative Self-Talk, New Habits, perfectionism, Positive Psychology, Self-defeating Beliefs, Thoughts, Values

Time To Take Out The Trash

Garbage in = garbage out, is a term often used when programming computers.  What if we looked at our brains like computers and acknowledged that we picked up some garbage along the way? By the time we are seven years old, we are pretty well programmed by the people who raised us, siblings, teachers, peers, religious organizations, television and society.

Think about the negative statements, judgments, rules and values that you were brought up with during childhood. You were too young to choose these, yet they became your primary programming for adulthood. Here are a few questions to show how “garbage in” produces “garbage out.” Are you kind to yourself?  Caught up in perfection? Tolerant of other’s mistakes?

As adults, we can begin to empty the garbage from our brains by becoming aware of the negative self-talk, fears, and self-defeating beliefs and habits that don’t serve us.  Thank them for being there and release them.  It’s time to take out the trash and let them go.  Make space for new ways of being towards yourself and others, with kindness and compassion.

Love, Health & Happiness,

Phyllis

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Adult Children Home For the Holidays

30 Friday Nov 2012

Posted by creatingahealthylifestyle in Family Fun

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Adult Children Home for the Holidays, Compassion, Family, Family Conflict, Family of Origin, Forgiveness, Judgment, Old Family Dynamics, Relating to Your Adult Children, Triggered by Childhood Patterns

Adult Children Home for the HolidaysWhether you are 18-years-old, returning home for the holidays after your first semester away at college, or 40-years-old with children of your own, being with your family of origin often triggers old dynamics where adult children transform back into thinking, feeling and behaving as they did when they lived at home, and parents often go into “parent” mode.

Predictable behaviors come from a history of ingrained patterns of relating, usually developed at a young age for the child, and reinforced by the parent as a style of interacting. For both the adult child and the parent, these patterns of behavior are less about the person we are in conflict with, and more about the way they trigger us and we make meaning of the person or related event.

It only takes one person to become aware of when an old pattern has kicked in, and then to decide to engage differently:

1. Try a little compassion by putting yourself in the other person’s shoes before judging.

2. Give a sincere complement rather than a negative comment.

3. Listen with genuine interest rather than tuning out.

4. Mend a rift by not having to be right.

5. Forgive.

Love, Health & Happiness,

Phyllis

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