Tag Archives: Anger

Ask For What You Want

25 Monday Feb 2013

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Ask For What You WantHow often do we complain, blame and criticize when it would be so much easier to just ask for what we want? Why is it so difficult to be direct rather than beating around the bush or expecting that people should know what we want?  We often wait, focusing on what we don’t have, and suffering in silence while building anger and resentment.

What would it be like to simply ask for what we want? That would require us taking responsibility to get our own needs met, and to be open to the possibility that if we ask, we may not get what we want.  Which is worse, feeling the disappointment or rejection of asking and not getting, or not asking in the first place?

No one person can provide all of our needs.  We may have to rely on friends or other support to help us. If we don’t ask for what we want and seek ways of attaining what is important to us, we most likely will not get it.

Love, Health & Happiness,

Phyllis

Reclaim The Space In Your Head

28 Monday Jan 2013

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Reclaim The Space In Your HeadIt may be time to reclaim the space in your head taken up by thoughts of people who have hurt you. How often do you think about someone you resent? If you are harboring anger and resentment towards someone it may be time to clear out those thoughts.

Forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace. It’s not about them.  It’s not about forgetting what they have done.  It’s not about agreeing with them.  It’s about you coming to terms with what happened, letting it go, and reclaiming the space they take up in your head.

The following is a process that you can do privately or with support of a trusted friend or mental health professional.  This process does not include any interaction with the person you have resentment towards.

1. Decide that you want peace around this person or event.

2. Write down all of the hurtful things you experienced.

3. Write (but don’t send) a letter to the person expressing your feelings of anger, resentment, hurt, pain, sadness, etc.

4. Next, write to the person what you needed and didn’t get, how you would have liked it to be.

5. Look over all of your writings.  Fully experience what ever feelings come up.

6. When you are ready, declare your forgiveness. If you desire, you can symbolize your forgiveness by safely burning your writings, shredding them or burying them.

Love, Health & Happiness,

Phyllis

What’s Under All That Anger?

03 Monday Dec 2012

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What's Under All That AngerHere is the third post in the series on anger.  It started with What Good Does Anger Do? then Why Rate Your Anger? Now we will look at what’s under all that anger.

Anger, with all of it’s intensity, can seem like a primary emotion, yet it’s really a secondary emotion. Below anger is always a deeper feeling of usually fear, hurt or sadness. For some people, feeling angry is an automatic reaction when triggered by an event; something someone said or didn’t say, or did or didn’t do. Or, we may feel angry at ourselves for things we said or did, opportunities we let pass by, etc. It’s less vulnerable to say you are feeling angry than to admit that you are feeling sad, scared, or hurt.

When we experience a surge of anger, bigger than it ought to be for the situation, it’s a clue that it is probably related to an old hurt from your past. Ask yourself: What might I be sad about? or What might I be scared about? The answer may give you a clue to what’s really going on within you.

Love, Health & Happiness,

Phyllis

 

Why Rate Your Anger?

05 Monday Nov 2012

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When was the last time you felt steaming mad and ready to blow? On a scale of 1-10, low levels of anger and frustration are a 1-4, while higher levels of anger, above a 7, can feel intense, and may impair your judgment and decision-making abilities.

When we are aware of how we feel, and to what degree we feel angry, then we can know how best to act rather than to react.

With low to mid-range levels of anger, it may be enough to look at a situation and consider your options.  One option may be to accept what is, rather than how we want it to be or wish it was. For example, if you have a challenging child, it would be wise to accept and parent “that child,” rather than the one you wish you had. The same concept can be applied to relationships with a mate, friends and people you work with, as well as with other life situations.

If your anger level is a 7 or above, it is wise to hold off on making important decisions or driving. Take a time-out from the situation and do something physical, go for a walk, a run, do jumping jacks or stair climbing. If you need immediate relief, try washing your hands and/or face with ice-cold water. It can often shift the way you feel.

Love, Health & Happiness,

Phyllis

What Good Does Anger Do?

22 Monday Oct 2012

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AngeWhat Good Does Anger Do?r gives us a cue that something isn’t right and the energy to do something about it. Anger is felt when something isn’t the way we want it to be.  It could be about a personal, family or work situation, or how someone is treating us. It could also be about a social injustice or societal cause.

The surge of energy that accompanies anger is important to recognize as useful for problem solving. It is best to channel this energy into something productive rather than destructive.  For example, seeking out help or support in dealing with family conflicts, searching for a new job or career, taking the time to figure out options, or getting involved in making a difference on a social cause or health issue.

When you aren’t sure what to do with all that energy from feeling angry, put it into something physical, such as house cleaning, running, jumping jacks, or stair climbing. Then see if you can come up with some ideas to address your situation.

Love, Health & Happiness,

Phyllis

Get It Done Now – It’s Good For Your Health!

17 Monday Sep 2012

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Are you a “get it done now or get it done later” person? Did you know that it takes more energy to not do something than to just do it, especially if you are going to do it anyway.

We rarely, if ever, think about the amount of energy we use to ward off not doing something we need to do.  Some people may call this procrastination or laziness. It doesn’t matter what you label it. Putting off doing what you need to do can negatively affect your health and well-being.

When we put off doing what needs to get done, by avoiding it and doing other, non-important things, internally we may be building increased levels of stress, worry, anger, resentment, and fear that we won’t get it done or feelings of inadequacy.

What would it be like if you just did the task or made that decision? What if you jumped in and got started on that project and avoided all of the associated stress? Or, what if you stopped all of the ways you keep “busy” doing other things and not feeling, while avoiding what you really need to do?

Try it today. Do something you’ve been putting off NOW!

Love, Health & Happiness,

Phyllis

Navigating The World of Emotions

09 Monday Jul 2012

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Navigating The World of EmotionsHonor and embrace your sadness, fear and anger.  Feel your feelings and let them pass through.  They won’t last long if you allow yourself to feel them fully, to discharge the energy they hold.  Unexpressed sadness and anger, turned inward, leads to depression, and left too long can lead to rage.  It’s important to find safe ways to express your feelings.

1. Talk to a trusted friend or therapist about how you feel.

2. Write letters expressing your feelings to people or entities, but DO NOT send them.

3. Use a journal to write about your feelings.

4. Express your emotions through art: paint, draw, color, use clay or playdough, or other forms of artistic expression.

5. Sit quietly and just allow the feelings to pass through you.  Be the observer watching you experience your emotions, knowing that they are not you and this will soon pass.

6. Use EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) tapping. Go to YouTube and search for EFT Tapping.  You will see videos with introductions to tapping as well as for specific feelings and situations. EFT can easily provide relief from emotions quickly by discharging the energy of the feeling.

The more you allow yourself to feel emotions as they occur, the freer you will be to feel happiness and joy.

Love, Health & Happiness,

Phyllis

Moment by Moment

18 Monday Jun 2012

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Moment by Moment“I have everything I need in this very moment.”  This is one my favorite statements I say to myself when I’m feeling overwhelmed, worrying about the future, or caught up about something in the past.  That doesn’t mean I don’t make plans, set goals and make “To-Do” lists.

When you think about it, what do you really need?  Saying, “I have everything I need in this very moment,” at a core level, is true.  It’s a mind-set that can produce a sense of well-being by lowering stress, anxiety, fear, anger and resentment. You may need to pay a bill next week, deal with a difficult person at work or at a social gathering soon, or are worried about retiring in 20 years. Yet, today in this very moment, you are okay and have enough for right now.

As long as your basic needs are met each day, you truly have everything you need in this moment. Many of us are fortunate to have much more than our basic needs.  We may have a computer or smart phone to access knowledge, a job to earn money, a car to get around, good friends or family who love you or a pet you are fond of.  You may also have a body that functions well most days, allowing you to do all that you do in a day.

Have you noticed that over the course of your life, that most things work out? How many meals have you missed or nights have you not had a place to sleep?  Take a moment to feel, that in this very moment, you have everything you need and you are okay.  Have faith and trust that everything you need will show up. I’ve noticed that the more I live from the place of “all is well in this moment,” the more all is well in every moment.

Love, Health & Happiness,

Phyllis